I called my mom yesterday and we had a lovely talk for about 15 min. I then hear my recently divorced/moved back in with my mom in the background she asks who I’m talking to and then tells her to hang up she needs help with something.
to which my mom reply’s she on the phone with me and it’s mother’s day , to just hang on.
sister says ‘no hang up’
and SO MY MOM DOES!!!
what in the living flying fuck!
almost 24 hours later and I’m still pissed about it.
One of the most incisive responses to some of the rhetoric we’ve been hearing in the wake of the Steubenville rape verdict is this blog post over at The Belle Jar. It articulates a discomfort many of us have with the sentiment (invoked in many contexts), “Imagine if the victim was your…
My fella and are are in the process of trying to find a new place to live and sort out some drama that’s been financially draining over the last 10 months. Weirdly members of my family (females) keep asking me how he has been with handling things, how involved is he in ‘helping’ to find a place, make a decision, etc.
Am I in some kind of ultraviolet unicorn of a relationship where we actually make decisions together? Where we discuss the pros and cons and debate out the potential outcomes and discuss who will do what to achieve our goals?
Is this why I’m completely neurotic and couldn’t see it before I moved 1,000 miles away? That apparently at all times the burden is on ME to handle all aspects of things both directly and indirectly involving me and ‘other people’ just help?
that men in general can’t be counted on and so again I have to sort things out as 1/2 the people I’ll interact with in life will drop the ball?
am I being double switchback neurotic and reading too much into these calls and e-mails which ‘sound’ like they’re fishing for a bitch session?
-sigh- either way I these interactions make me growl in frustration and I just don’t want to hear it anymore…
I went on a date last night and then you texted and asked, again, whether I would come there. Start our days with coffee, end with you making dinner. Forever. I feel myself tug towards yes and then I remember why it will always be no with you and I.
There are people in your life who are going to love you for all of the wrong reasons. They will love you for the best part of your face, the best part of you naked, the best mood on your best day, the best story you ever wrote, the best outfit you ever wore.
They are going to miss the scar on the underside of your nose from the time your older brothers dared you to run across a pile of logs. They won’t know that you fell on a hidden nail just as you completed the challenge. They’ll miss the scar on your finger, too from the time you were seven and closed a swiss army knife on it. They won’t understand that these are two of only a handful of things you can remember about your childhood. They’ll notice that you have great tits, but they’ll miss that your thumb tucks into their palm when you’re walking together and that your eyes have darker circles when a migraine is coming. They won’t know you get migraines. They won’t ask where the story you wrote came from, so they’ll never know that it was true. They’ll love it because it feels real to them. They’ll miss knowing the sweatshirt full of holes that they criticized you for wearing was your dads. You might tell them some of these things along the way, but they will remember the best things instead.
They will love your good moods, your energy, your sense of humor, but miss that you never turn to them, but rather to a shower or a pillow or the back of your throat to shed tears. They won’t ever consider you strong.
When the parts that aren’t your best come out, some people will shield their eyes as if you have just forced them to look directly into the sun for hours until their irises burn. They’ll silently make you promise to never show them that again. Those things are not to be shown. Be at your best so I can love you. I would love you more if only you never show me those things.
And you do not marry those people. You do not sit and sleepily drink coffee with those people. You leave those people and you remind yourself that they missed the better parts of you.
Oh my motherfucking god T-H-I-S. A million times This
I have had to make some calls to track some things down in NY recently and it feels really jarring to switch back into NY mode when calling people. In Ga when you call someone about something, no matter how trivial it’s “Good morning, how are you doing today? I’m well,thanks for asking. I’m trying to reach/track down information about____” In NY it’s “Hi I’m calling about ___ yup I’l leave a message”. It used to feel very efficient and easy to get things done. Now it feels like we’re not people where’s machines switching on and off to do a task.
I feel like that’s the #1 thing I’ve learned down here, it’s that people are expected to treat others as humans, to take a moment to look someone in the face and not treat them like just a cashier or a stranger on a sidewalk, but a person. It’s a politeness that’s not just a hollow empty form it makes people feel respected and connects people in their essential human-ness. sure it slows things down. Maybe I could make 5 calls in the space of the time it takes me to make 1 or 2 in GA, but sometimes, slowing down is good.
That feeling when you send out a resume for a job you’re perfect for and then immediately stare at your phone as though one glance at your resume and the job will instantly want to bring you in for an interview… Sigh…
Not the greatest day. Called to talk to my mom and we got in a HUGE fight where we yelled at each other and left things in a pretty terrible place. I was wrong and she was wrong but ultimately I used to live 45 min from her and could help her out all the time and saw each other pretty frequently all my other siblings moved out of state a long while ago, so she’s pissed off and missing me and not really able to talk to me and not get pissed and emotional.
needless to say my unemployed self started drinking all the good bye and good luck wine and champagne our friends gave us when we moved down at about noon. I was good and s-faced at about 5 and had a rough rest of the night. It’s got to get better eventually right?
After spending the last week super frustrated with my crappy old toshiba laptop, since now I’m doing actual work on it instead of sending stuff from a work computer.Anyway, we decided to go oogle the new ipads. holy god, I cannot wait to get a job so I can buy one instead of spending half my time trying to find the cursor because it’s jumped someplace crazy or waiting 10 min for a page to load!! so we took ourselves out to lenox mall for a bit of a walk around.
I’m always so surprised by the volume of ladies who lunch and stay at home moms when we go out to those sorts of places. in the middle of the day on a monday at home it would have been desolate but for frantic people running errands..but then at home most people had at least 2 jobs to pay the bills and take care of their kids. up in upstate NY a stay at home was either SUPER wealthy or poor but committed to being with her kids. At what point did the middle class become extinct in upstate NY..more and more glad we moved down here!